Punished

Apparently, I was being snarky. That’s what Belle said, anyway. I certainly was poking fun at her, but, you know, in the most respectful and loving way possible.

Whatever. She didn’t appreciate it.

“You think that’s funny, do you?” She asked.

“Kinda, yeah.”

“OK. Get the Icy Hot.”

“What!?”

And it went on like that with me begging and squirming and trying to talk her out of it. Eventually, she made me get up and retrieve the tube of devil paste from the bathroom. I got back into bed, placing it on my nightstand, and tried to distract her. I was hoping to be able to wait her out. Soon, she’d be sleepy and maybe I’d get off the hook.

After a few minutes, “Get naked and under the covers.”

I did so, still hoping there’d be a reprieve. In theory, I want her to punish me when she sees the need. In practice, Icy Hot hurts like fuck. Plus, I wasn’t really prepared mentally since I wasn’t even aware I was committing a punishable offense.

“Give me the Icy Hot,” she said. I gave it to her while still doing my best to talk her out of it. She seemed to very much enjoy my pathetic protestations.

“Close your eyes.” Whimper. I closed my eyes and opened my legs, exposing the poor, unsuspecting scrotum.

I heard the cap open…I heard the paste squeezed out…I heard the cap snap shut…a few moments of silence…then I felt her fingers smearing the cold lineament across my skin. As usual, for the first several moments it just felt cold. Then even colder as whatever hellish combustion process it utilizes started to take effect. Then hot. Then really hot. Motherfuckinghot.

I tried not to make too much noise, but each wave of burning was greater than the last. I rolled over on my knees and spread my legs so my nutsack would hang freely. She placed her hand on my back in a gentle, loving way as I clenched my eyes shut against the burning. The fumes of the Icy Hot were traveling up my crack and started to provide my ass with a contact burn. That was new.

She must not have put nearly as much on as last time. The burning waves seemed to start to subside after the forth or fifth. Soon, all I felt was a lingering, low-level heat. As I moved about, the burning would intensify for a few moments and then retreat again. I felt well and truly punished.

The next morning, all the burning just a memory, I still felt the difference. I was much more contrite and feeling the subbie vibe. Icy Hot is almost too intense for us to use in a scene now, but as a punishment it was quite effective. I enjoyed the psychological afterglow of being punished even though the actual act was hard to take. From her perspective, its impact far exceeded the effort she needed to put into it. All she’d have to do in the future to make it a more severe punishment would be to increase the amount applied. Since I really don’t like it all that much, I will truly want to avoid it.

I’ll have to do something about the snark.

Happiest Slave Ever

I love Madam P so much.  I love her sweet little body and her cute little feet.  I love Madam’s style of subtle but firm power over me.  I love that Madam doesn’t feel compelled to scream at me or lash out; she has a light touch and a soft voice that never leaves any doubt that she means business.  She dishes out physical punishment reluctantly, and only if she feels that it’s the best way to break a bratty cycle that I’ve gotten into.  So if physical punishment comes, it really gets my attention because I know that Madam doesn’t usually hit me for the fun of it.

Madam P and I have not been playing at total power exchange Master/slave dynamics very long, but Madam is very quickly coming to a place of consistency, learning that it’s best to not let her slave get away with bad behavior and to not let her make excuses to dodge assigned responsibilities because she’s seeing how it only causes more behavior problems down the line.  And Madam does not hesitate to bestow rewards and privileges for obedience and good behavior.  She has a powerful desire for harmony within her household.  I’m so blessed to have a Madam who has an innate sense of justice and a profound wisdom when it comes to managing what her slave is and is not capable of within the time available.  I love Madam P with every fiber of my being!

I love that Madam P allows me to undress her at bedtime every night.  I’m grateful that she lets me brush her beautiful soft hair.  I love that Madam P expects me to thoroughly kiss her feet whenever she demands it, anytime, anyplace. 

Most of all I love that Madam P is having so much FUN being slave owner to her slave/wife.  This experience is completely new to Madam P.  All her life she has been the (mostly) unwilling/non-consensual submissive in one unhappy relationship after another.  I think it’s accurate to say that Madam P and I are both a little surprised that she has discovered a profound love and aptitude for being the Madam of the house.  She is completely in her element as she orders her slave girl to do what she wants her to do, to be where she wants her to be.  And she’s managed to train me to unquestioningly and immediately do what I’m told to do without resorting to cruelty or brutality.  Madam exudes an authority that she didn’t even know was there.  I will follow Madam P anywhere.

I have never in my life been as turned on as I have been since Madam placed her padlock collar around my neck and began training me to serve her every whim.  At the risk of sounding crude, I think I might need to start wearing panty liners, because Madam has me so turned on, all day every day, whether I’m at work or at her side, that my panties are soaking wet all day long.  I’ve never had this experience.  And oh my goodness, I hope it never ends.

Missy

Words

What is Gor, but a journey to Self awareness?

A journey inward,

delving deep into your soul

finding the  truth of your being

finding your path.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

Open-mindedness, not perceptions of shell.

Looking beyond the person to how they live.

Do they have honour?

Do they have integrity?

Do they have the guts to stand strong and still in their beliefs?

When all about them rises up in defiance?

In opposition?

DO YOU?

Know your place in this sham called life

This transient passage of time

What is your purpose?

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

WHO ARE YOU?

A Master?

With pride?

Dominant and strong willed.

Taking what he knows is rightfully his.

Protecting, nurturing, teaching…

Always searching to expand his own horizons,

His own knowledge.

Loving, uncompromising, stern, fair.

WHO ARE YOU?

A kajira?

Driven by the need to be pleasing?

The compulsion to serve demanding to be fed?

Obedience without question will be demanded from you girl.

emotional, soft, loving, bending.

A constant and unending journey of delving deeper

Deeper into your slavery

your need

Complete loyalty to that One Man you call Master.

.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

Do you have the strength to live those truths?

To live through the hardships?

the pain?

Of having all your previous perceptions shattered?

Of having to open yourself fully to another?

Do you?

Do you have the ability to abide patiently?

Patience to accept another’s will without the comfort of knowing why?

Why some things are demanded of you?

…Without explanation?

For to do so requires an inordinate amount of inner strength

But brings happiness beyond measure,

A calming peace envelops you like a protective shell.

Your Master protects you… stop worrying.

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

.

But what when you find “The One”?

The Love Master who along with his collar

Brings no leniency,

No mercy?

When your whole persona is demanded?

.      . Your heart

.         .          . Your soul

.                          .     . Your mind

.           .               .                   . Your body….

When sex becomes lovemaking

When being pinned and taken hard and fast is craved

When the violent union of bodies is still an act of love

.      . When sensuality is found in each others eyes, actions and words

.                    .                  . When simple rituals become a very real and necessary lifeline

.        .             .           .             .           .            .  . Oh boy…..

Well, then you are in trouble girl.

.

Dont try to fight it

The battle was lost before you knew it had begun

You have met your match                             .

The One that will push your limits                                       .

Then push through them                                                                             .

The One that will demand every single part of you

and you have no choice but to surrender

Oh Yes

you are definitely in trouble girl…

You have met your One true Master

.

But pause a moment.

And don’t romanticise the notion

…But

If you are lucky

The perfect half to your soul

Your Twinflame

.

How often did the dreams come before you met?

You know the ones,

The ones where you woke in a cold sweat

Shaking

Drips of perspiration laying like jewels on your skin

The cold sweat of fear – fear of what was coming.

Of what that meant?

.

Not so much jewels

More like icy needles

that cold fearful sweat

…Isn’t it?

.

How often did the dreams come before you met?

Did you watch and feel the two halves join?

. .          .Do you feel His heart beating?

.            .             . His pains?

.             .             .              .His joy?

.             .             .              .            .His love?

You live the dream now… .            .                     .                  .

BE TRUE TO YOURSELF

BE AT PEACE

Break Me

I am not typically a fan of Jewel, but I ran across this song tonight and it fits my mood perfectly. I was speaking to an old friend. It felt like it had been forever, months since we had spoken. It had only been 3 weeks. So much has pulled in on itself, flowing in layers over my soul. I have found a home, a peaceful repose for my heart. With it comes rules, the necessity of being an actual adult when it comes to my sex life. I want something so desperately that I ache with the need of it. It is part of the letting go. To have it, I must trust in him to be everything. I am afraid. This moment in my life, if I let go to him completely giving up everything else, I will need him. He will have the ability to hurt me deeply and I don’t know if I could take that. In truth, it is too late. I am lost.

Break Me – Jewel

I will meet you
In some place
Where the light lends itself
To soft repose
I will let you undress me
But I warn you
I have thorns like any rose

You could hurt me
With your bare hands
You could hurt me
Using the sharp end of what you say
But I�m lost to you now
And there�s no amount of reason
That could save me

Chorus:
So break me
Take me
Just let me feel your arms again
Break me
I�ll let you make me
Just let me feel your love again

Feels like being underwater
Now that I�ve let go
And lost control
Water kisses fill my mouth
Water fills my soul

Chorus

Bridge:
Kiss me once
Well, maybe twice
Oh, it never felt so nice

Chorus

Just let me feel your love again

Mit Vollgas gegen die Wand

So fühl ich mich. Wieder ein Arbeitsmarathon hinter mir. Mehrere Tage bis am Anschlag.

Geplant wäre nun, bei einem Workshop dabei zu sein (privat). Ich hab mich nun schon Wochen drüber immer wieder mal gefreut, aber auch immer wieder mal Zweifel gehabt. Letzenendes – ich hätte schon längst auf der Autobahn sein müssen. Aber ich sitze wieder hier herum. Starre auf die Wand, was soll ich tun?

Wie jedes Wochenende? Mit Vollgas gegen die Wand.

Assignment #01

It seems very fitting to kick this brand new blog off with an assignment from Madam P.  I’m not quite sure how to approach this assignment, but I desperately want to be a good girl, so I’m going to give it my best shot.

Madam P has asked me to write, from a slave’s perspective, what it’s like for me to crawl into bed with my Madam each night.  First a little background: Madam P requires a lot more sleep than her slave girl does, so Madam grants me the privilege of staying up late most nights to pursue my art.  By the time I get to bed, Madam P has typically been asleep for 3 to 4 hours.  Now that the nights have turned colder, when I crawl into bed next to Madam my body is chilled, my hands and feet are cold, but I still love to cuddle up close to Madam P.  Madam is such a good sport about my cold, cold body pressed up against her soft warm body, waking her from a dead sleep.  (Lately, as a sign of respect for Madam, I’ve been trying to warm myself up a little before I get into the bed.) 

Madam P feels heavenly!  Her skin is so soft.  Her hair, I can’t think of a way to describe in words just how lovely her hair feels; it’s smooth and soft… Madam P’s hair elicits feelings of ecstasy in me; I’m overwhelmed at times by how delightful her hair feels.  I love the smell; I love burying my face in Madam’s hair.  I love the red color.  Crawling into bed and burying my face in Madam’s hair takes me to another place, a place of joy and safety and ecstasy and transcendental bliss. 

So last night, as I crawled my chilly little body into the bed and wrapped my arms and legs all around Madam, and buried my face into the back of her head, Madam woke up for a minute or 2.  I placed my lips gently against the top of her ear and whispered, “You feel like Heaven!  I love you so much!”  “Heaven” is the closest I could come to associating a word to how transcendent I felt, my belly pressed to Madam’s back, my arms and legs all around her, my face in her hair… she felt like Heaven!

I adore Madam P.  I revere Madam P.  I want to fall at her feet and kiss them every time I see her.  I want to fall to my knees, wrap my arms around her waist and press my head into her beautiful breasts every time she approaches me with “I love you” on her lips and love in her eyes.  I want to lay on the floor so that Madam can put her feet on me when she’s watching TV, as a pure expression of my devotion to, admiration of and awe for her.  I want to look to Madam to make decisions for me, to command me, to act out her whims on me.  I want Madam to know and feel all day everyday in every way the love, admiration and respect that I feel flowing through me towards her and all that she means to me.  To that end, the best I have to offer her is my total attention, my unconditional love, my absolute submission, and the best words I can come up with to describe what the experience is like for me to be near her….. “You feel like Heaven!”

XO,
slave missy

On porn

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