Not going with my flow

There are times when feelings, energy and reality clash. This is one of those times.

I have to admit my dominant energy feelings have a lot of flow. Really it sort of follows my menstrual cycle with a vengeance. The boy is well aware of this flow. He thinks it interesting though not easy. Other things that have to do with it are stress and other indicators that happen in life. I also think this feeling of flow can be recognised by most dominants and submissives. Most people would not be top crazy heavy handed dominant full time, nor would a submissive.

At present I am feeling dominant inside I want to do certain stuff with and to the boy. However I am not in a position to carry out my thoughts. So I am surfing other blogs. Both from dominant ladies and submissive males. Surfing for ideas, surfing out of boredom and surfing for recognition. Yet despite my dominant flow feeling, when I get home I am utterly tired. This is not surprising as at the same time I am an insanely busy at work – As mentioned in my previous post I have a business trip coming up. it is an important one and it takes a lot of time and effort to arrange all. Secondly we are remodeling part of the house, or have people do this. This too is taking a lot of energy, as I am the main contact point and thus in essence the project leader. Picking up on schedules that are starting drifting between subcontractors, making decisions on the fly. Where possible the boy is involved in these decisions- it is his house too and in that area we are equals.

So all energy I have left into D/s and BDSM I should be able to focus on the boy – Except that I am totally not! The boy is on a temporary heavy workschedule and hardly gets home before 11pm and is off to work before 8am. Just enough time to catch up and talk through things concerning our house project. Not even enough time to mention things like kink and play. Big bummer

Now this situation is temporary of course, only a few weeks, but it is annoying. Here I am with all these kinky energy and thoughts and all I can do is structure that energy and focus it towards the things that I need to do, instead of want to do. But I am feeling out of sync with my flow. But once all this is done we have the house wonderful and again time for each other. Just a few more weeks swimming against the tide.

[Via http://shadowladynl.wordpress.com]