The gal and I just came back from the GTA Rope Social, a monthly event in which kinky folk get together to fuck around with rope: a demo, some hands-on practice and some socializing. It’s not a play party, no scenes, just… practice.
The people out and about in the kink scene are very gregarious, but it’s a bit of departure for me. I find myself have to balance my shy, introverted tendencies with the desire to get out there and meet people. It’s getting easier, though, and it turns out that, as well as getting my rocks off, it’s having a therapeutic effect for latent social anxieties.
We’ve been going to a few munches with a group called Toronto TNG and meeting some cool people. A couple months back we went to a private play party at someone’s house, a friend having got us on the guest list. That was pretty strange, not entirely enjoyable. We chose to go because of the invite and the opportunity to break the ice of playing in public: it was a femdom party, and we don’t have a D/S dynamic in our relationship. Also, my gal’s a bit reticent when it comes to taking the reins, so I was having to whisper shit to tell her what to do while trying to make it look like her idea — house rules states that men were not supposed to speak out of turn, take a domineering role, etc. We also tried playing in one of the dungeon play spaces, but found people crowding too close while waiting for their turn, talking too loudly about taxes and home renos, and generally being inconsiderate douchebags. Tacky! But good to get out and demystify some of this world of public kink.
In October we went to NorthBound Leather’s Tribe party; if you live in Toronto, you’ve doubtless seen the flyers featuring a guy in a black leather, spiked hood posted all over town. It’s the world’s single biggest fetish party, hosted at the Sound Academy and with over 4,000 in attendance. My gal said it reminded her a lot of Fashion Cares: snazzy DJ, massive and elaborate fashion show, booze and dancing. Seems that, for a lot of people, “fetish” is a matter of style rather than sexual practice: a lot of people there, especially the gay men, were decked out in leather harnesses and whatnot but expressed ambivalence about kinky sex. There was a public play space set up there, and we spent some time there, joined by a friend who lent some helping hands. It’s incredible to see the range of outfits and personae that people adopt at an event of this scale: wildly creative, totally banal, formulaic, original, slutty, uptight, classy — it’s quite the carnival.
We’ve also been playing privately with a third. Not going to get too much into that here, other than to say it’s been a great experience. While I’m touched by all the concerned friends who think that bringing a third to bed is dropping a bomb in the relationship, I assure you that the worry is unfounded. The partner has been wonderful and has shared our curiosity and willingness to explore the dynamics of three-way play and sex, and I’m delighted to report that it’s been going every bit as well as I had hoped.
The challenge in coming months will be to balance interest and growing commitment to the scene with work, school and life — not to mention the impending return to schooltown in January for the next bout of learnin’.
We chose to go because of the invite and the opportunity to break the ice of playing in public.We chose to go because of the invite and the opportunity to break the ice of playing in public.We chose to go because of the invite and the opportunity to break the ice of playing in public.We chose to go because of the invite and the opportunity to break the ice of playing in public.
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