Alright, so the last time I wrote, I was waiting for Sir to come back from a day out. It was the day after my birthday and he told me that he had stuff to do. Around five o’clock, he came back with a bag full of goodies. He was excited and happy, which rubbed off on me right away. He told me that he’d spent the morning at the wood shop building a prototype of a box for my head. He said he was sorry that he didn’t get a chance to finish it, but was looking forward to eventually putting it on me. Excitement!
He had then gone to visit a friend of ours (the person who inadvertently introduced us) to get some weed for us. Neither of us smoke very often, but once in a while it’s fun to bring out my really verbally filthy side. He’d also bought some alcohol and my birthday gift. He was so excited that he didn’t even let me open the bag…he just took everything out. I laughed at him, saying “Are you really opening MY birthday presents?” He laughed and said yes. He took the little package out of the bag and I saw that it was a little bullet vibe that fits in a rubber cock ring. He grinned, I smiled, and gave him a big hug. The worst part though, was that I had to go teach a two hour class before the fun could begin. He winked and told me to have fun and that he was sure I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. He was right.
When I finally got back, we ordered some pizza, put my collar on, had some drinks and chilled for a bit, with him sitting on the couch and me kneeling by his feet on the floor. Once our hunger was satiated, he had me practice some new positions, and then had me model a few different outfits for him. Some sexy, some pretty, some naughty, and then had me assume my positions in each. The evening was a bit of a blur, but it was the BEST night I’ve had in a long long time. There was impact play with the paddle, the crop and hands (which had my eyes watering but my voice begging for more), there was some bondage (which felt like a wonderful, uncomfortable hug), there was verbal humiliation (which made me drip my juices all over the floor), there was service, there was me as a footstool/table, there was piss drinking, and the ultimate, there was me getting fucked as I was on all fours in the bathroom, licking cold piss from the toilet seat. We also drank, smoked, talked about wonderfully awful things and fell asleep at almost 4am, completely exhausted and completely content. It was the greatest post-birthday day I’ve ever had.
♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
One of the best things about Sir being away is seeing him walk through the door, surprising me with his presence. Even if it’s just a very quick overnight stay, my heart is lifted and my cunt is happy. The other night, after I had a very long and stressful but good day, Sir came in at almost 2am after driving back to the city with his brother. We talked and he held me/touched me as I fell asleep. The next morning, only six hours later, he dragged himself from our bed, made some coffee and then crawled back into bed and used me, sucking hard on my nipples and spitting on my hole to get it wet. He fucked me with such vigour, you never would have thought he’d had me just two days previously! He told me to make sure I came, and though I was still a sleepy girl, I worked hard, rubbing my clit as he pounded me.
I miss him immensely when he’s not here, but it really does make the brief time we do have together that much more exciting. I love Sir so very much, and I cannot wait until the next time he walks through that door.
Well, after the high speed games of a week and a half ago, I suppose we were destined to crash and burn… or at least simmer down a bit. Things have been mellow but tense. Steve and I seem to be circling each other trying to guess each other’s next moves, unsure of where we want to take things from here. Heidi and Steve have had some interpersonal difficulties regarding communication and Heidi and I are once again, often failing to connect right emotionally.
I don’t know quite what to do. I think maybe we should devote this weekend to really reconnecting as a triad and as separate couples and see where our desires take us, come next week.
No real final decisions have been made about breeding but perhaps it’s better to let that stew on the backburner for awhile. The whore seems to have finally left our lives for good. Time to reconnect, reconfigure, and reconvene in a few days.
Hope all is well with my readers and my friends out there. Love you all!
For being HOLIER THAN THOU. She wasn’t Jewish, but I had invited her over for Rosh Hashanah dinner. She stayed long enough to berate me for being a FILTHY PERVERT for enjoying non lesbian-feminist-approved sex and for earning my living, in part, by tying men up and spanking them.
“We haven’t really talked about any of this…how do you feel about it?”
Her face got all red. She puffed up to several times her size, prepped to blow a serious gasket. “I think it’s COMPLETELY DISGUSTING!!”
I forget what else she said (ranted), but vividly remember how loudly she slammed my apartment door when I asked her to leave. I also remember that she liked it rather hard in bed and have a strong suspicion that by this point, she might no longer be a stranger to the non-egalitarian sex herself.
I was always way hotter for her baby butch roommate, who, though quite young, had a pierced tongue and looked like she might know how to show a lady a very good time indeed.
Obvs, my own tashlich bread is a pretzel, for my TWISTED DESIRES.
So last night I had a long conversation with my dear friend Mistress DiDi. It’s really wonderful to have friends in this Lifestyle that share the same ethics and understand the art of Power Exchange. I appreciate her energy and vast wealth of knowledge. To listen to her talk about BDSM is like listening to a child who just purchased a new video game. It’s exciting. It’s challenging and it’s HERS. I hear pure joy when revisiting Mistress DiDi’s stories. Yet hear the sadness in her when we discuss the scene today.
We chatted about the recent release of subs and giggled extensively at the many advertisements for hookers and escorts who don a whip and call themselves ‘Dommes’. It is sad that many, due to media and public “opinion” do not know what Power Exchange is or the art of it. When you have television shows, porn that has BDSM elements & folks who misinterpret that the fashion of leather, latex & corsets validates them carrying an implement and calling themselves a Domme. It’s no wonder that many are jaded with the thought that sex is a must during a session. Such a sad reality.
I have a friend Kitty Von Dolce, who is an adult starlet- that while she appears in ‘Kinky’ & ‘BDSMish’ porn UNDERSTANDS that what she does on film is simply just that- for film. She doesn’t pretend to be a Domme and is actually very humble in her approach by outwardly stating: “I just do it on film”. I love Kitty’s openness that she will tell anyone, she knows nothing about BDSM/ KINK. What she portrays on film is an orchestrated fabricated fantasy. The illusion of dominance. Not true Power Exchange. It’s just porn with BDSM/ KINK elements. VERY different from the experience of Power Exchange. Recently she was asked to session and called me for advice. She told me from the very beginning she knew nothing about power exchange and wanted me to guide her. Protocol is something she is not familiar with and while she had no intention on sessioning- she wanted to honor the Lifestyle by approaching the sub properly. After discussing at length what I do and what it entails she admitted it wasn’t for her. I like her honesty. Her responsibility as a woman to say she didn’t know enough and she’d leave it to those who really live it. It’s rare to find honest people like that now a days. The average person would look at it as a ‘pay day’ and jump at the opportunity to make a quick buck even at the expense of another’s safety.
I admire those who want to explore and experience a Lifestyle that’s foreign in concept to them. It shows an openness and willingness to learn. Although in regards to BDSM/ KINK, indulging with someone who is not experienced can be volatile. Safety should always be paramount. Before beginning a session it totally surprises me how often new people I’ve played with will say: “No one has ever asked me if I have physical limitations or if I’m taking any meds.” To find a Domme/Dom that can nurture an exploratory experience with a masterful skill set is priceless.
In my conversation with Mistress DiDi we touched based about her article: Domme vs Dumme. Which I will say gave me such belly laughter, as each paragraph did indeed embody some one I’ve come across at some point in time. I encourage you all to read it. She’s a wonderful resource for many. I’m grateful to have people like Mistress DiDi and my best friend & Partner in Perv: Lady Jessica Sovereign in my inner sanctum. Friendships that bring me happiness and shared knowledge. Full of laughter and women I know that I can always learn from. While both women are powerful beyond compare they are very different, the one common thread we all share- The Art of Power Exchange. Here’s to you my fellow Goddess’.
The forced heteronormative expectations that we see in society foments in sexual culture, or rather in the void that represents sexual culture to us in the states. We have a culture of silence, a culture that suggests that any sex is dangerous sex. This anti-sex doctrine is being beaten into our youth through abstinence education programs. I realize that these programs are proven to fail miserably simply in terms of numbers; but I have to wonder about what is happening to the available sexual outlets of individuals in this nation because of the anti-sex ideology that is being passed off as education.
I am a super sexual woman. I love sex in every way shape and form, I would be a porn star, prostitute, sex working, whore, immerse myself in the industry of vice, if it were a tad more socially acceptable. It is however not socially acceptable, in fact it is a fast tract to the slammer.
In the shadow of expectations I have found myself having fewer and fewer sexual outlets. I have been practicing a lot of yoga, am very much in my body, I feel sexy as hell and yet I am not having a bit of sex. I have a non-existent sex life.
This could be due to a career as a graduate student. I think too much and I forgot to wash my hair, again. This might not be the most appealing to the vast majority of potential sex partners, or maybe it is simply that I am not attracted to mindless nitwits, of which this town has plenty.
Last night I sat panting in the locker room after yoga thinking about the way I feel. I’m frustrated, horny, lonely, afraid to be touched, bitter, and more interested in reading about sex than actually having it. I no longer want to get dressed up to simply go out. I don’t have the energy for more of the same disappointing sex parties. Sexy as hell but with few acceptable outlets to display my sex appeal in, I’m suffering from sexual anomie.
I have felt more and more stifled into doing what is expected of me, distancing myself from the sex industry because I am a serious academic now. I don’t think anything could be less helpful. I’m working hard to establish myself in a field that has the power to change ideology and policy, why would I want to distance myself from the group of disenfranchised people from which I come?
Seems to me that sex workers, kinky folks, gender benders, and misfits of all types could use my help. I have a strong voice and the inclination to change things for the better. Why am I trying to sneak my way in and out of smut and education? I do so love them both.
The answer to this long wielding question of self doubt and sociological confusion is of course that the ideology, the beliefs, the attitudes about sex, sex work, BDSM, porn, gender, sex and gender presentation – the dichotomous values, beliefs and behaviors have to shift. There is no way for us to attain sexual liberation until we change the way we view sex and gender in this culture.
We are only human, we have the right and the need to get laid. The puritanical beliefs that form public policy and mainstream attitudes have taken an approach that limits our rights to have the knowledge that could save lives, prevent unwanted lives, increase pleasure and tolerance. Why are the rest of us sitting in fear of a moral majority? Policies that prevent people from having knowledge, policies that foster bigoted beliefs, policies that engender discriminatory practice and violence cannot be tolerated. We have rights to information about sexual practices, it is time we assert these rights and stop letting conservative politicians take them from us.
The only way I can fathom to start on a path of sexual equilibrium is to speak on the topic of sexual enjoyment. To embrace our inner perverts, to have sex, to not be shameful about it, to answer questions truthfully, to read about sex and gender issues, to stop hiding in a sexual closet. Come out. Be proud to be a sexual human being. Have some fucking sex. Perpetuating a culture of silence only engenders more fear and stigmatization.
This problem of sexual anomie, the idea of being alienated from your sexual self, is perpetuated by silence, fear mongering, and the criminalization of sex. How can people be expected to have thriving fully adult sexual experiences when we can’t even talk about sex? The idea that we are supposed to know what to do, how to do it, and that these “normal” heterosexual vanilla pleasures are supposed to fulfill us is insulting to my intelligence. Why is it expected that everyone is supposed to have a natural disposition for homogeneity?
People have lost their jobs, lost custody of their children, lost everything –sometimes even their lives because they were labeled sexually deviant. Sex is a normal and indeed necessary experience of human existence. We all need to get laid, so why do we continue to perpetuate a culture of sexual contempt?
These questions have been plaguing me all morning, all night, for years really.
The nature of puritanical beliefs and policies is to silence the sexual discourse before it even begins. The Christian right screams that sex education will encourage kids to have sex. This has been proven to be a fallacy but I say so what. Who cares if sex education encourages people to have sex? Are we supposed to encourage people to not have sex? A culture that encourages it’s citizens to have little to no conversation pertaining to sexual activity, safety, health, pleasure, or the ramification thereof — this seems perverse to me.
Why is it the ideology of ant-sex crusaders not seen as perverse? Is it not obvious to all adults that sexuality is a natural part of human life? What if we banned dialogue on other aspects of health, like eating too much, having heart attacks, cholesterol build up? These are not seen as taboo. If sexuality is going to be treated like the plague, I want out of here and fast.
Sexual happiness should be thought of as paramount to being a healthy and happy individual. We all need lovin’ – so why all the silence and fear? What do the right wing anti-sex ideologists not want us to do? Do they think we will all quit our shitty jobs and stay home having sex all day, using birth control so as not to breed unwanted offspring that use up more of our non-existent resources and therefore force us all to get up and go to the same shitty jobs? Maybe.
Likely it is just about power and control. Ever heard the saying “I’ve got him by the balls?” Well the big power and policy makers sure have. They seem to have taken it for all it’s worth. As a nation we are terrified of sex. Anything that reflects sex as something other than heteronormative, pro-creation, monogamous, vanilla sex is seen as evil and certain to corrupt the children. Sex really isn’t all that spooky. People have been doing it since people showed up on this rock. Sex, we need it to continue the human race – sure but that does not seem to be in any danger. People will keep poppin’ em’ out long after we admit that sex feels good.
Silence and pressure to conform to standards of sexuality is stifling to every one of us. If you are not having a mind blowing sex life you should be angry. Angry at a system designed to limit your sexual choices and freedoms. Angry at a discourse that has been shooshed. Angry at the moral majority for forcing their views and beliefs down the political throat that coughs up that discourse and controls what we do in our bedrooms, and indeed what we think about what we do in our bedrooms.
It is time that our culture take back it’s sexuality. We need to come into our own as a sex-positive society. We can not keep preaching abstinence in school, fear mongering, scaring people into passive heteronorms – it will not work, it will perpetuate a lot of closet case mentalities, it will make people see themselves as deranged perverts instead of simply able to enjoy more variety in their lives. Sexual anomie is a seriously disturbing force in this culture. It is making us all frigid, afraid, and stone.
In 2 days – 55.5 hours, to be precise – I’ll be meeting Kyle at SFO to spend two blissful days together. Since we only see each other in person every few months, there are always a thousand things I want to do with him, but this trip there’s something very special we’ve been wanting to do for awhile – I’m going to take him to a dungeon as my boy, and I will be his Sir.
Kyle and I both switch, and since the beginning, we’ve played around with many different roles. Perhaps it’s because I’ve never served a woman, but “Ma’am” and “Mistress” never commanded the same respect, to my ear, as “Sir.” Somehow they feel diminutive, less powerful, less in control – I’m sure a case could be made that it’s my internalized misogyny, which I know is significant – but, whatever the reason, many months ago I asked Kyle to call me “Sir” instead of “Ma’am” and it was a revelation. Kyle is an amazing lover, and every scenario was fun, but every time I topped him as his Sir, it felt different. Special. There was a clear, beautiful resonance, like strumming a perfectly-tuned guitar string. At first he had trouble using the term – “Ma’am” had been an easy way of sliding sideways into submission, while still holding the upper hand gender-wise. Even tied up, he was still the cowboy and I was still the girl, and that made it safer, easier, less scary. However, once I became Sir, he found himself in the uncomfortable position of giving in completely, of letting me take him without leaving himself an easy escape hatch.
(Now, I feel as if I should explain a few things for those in the audience who are feeling a bit lost. Kyle was born biologically female, but presents himself as masculine – short hair, men’s clothing, packing a store-bought cock in his tighty whities - and considers himself genderqueer. I am biologically female, present myself as female – long hair, unbound breasts, female-but-not-frilly clothing – but, long ago, I lost my faith in gender altogether, and don’t think of myself as either female or male. Together we play with power and gender – sometimes i’m his girl and he’s my Sir, sometimes I’m his wicked uncle and he’s my curious nephew, sometimes she’s My girl, sometimes she’s my butch soccer coach…it all depends on the energy between us on a given day.)
As we began to play more with the idea of his Sir, it was incredible to watch his internal struggle because his female side, Casey, longed to submit, but his male side, Kyle, fought it. Kyle, especially, had difficulty acknowledging the homosexual aspects to submitting to a male persona, which is a gorgeously complex struggle for an outwardly-appearing butch lesbian to have. Slowly we worked together, pushing a little farther every time and then lovingly and carefully talking through the issues that came up.
Sometimes people confuse dominance with bullying – they use whips and floggers to command attention, instead of taking the time to earn respect and trust. To begin with, anyone who wants to dominate another person needs a working understanding of the human psyche, and an intimate knowledge of the other person, but even that much won’t ensure a successful scene. The key to successful power exchange, for me, is a deep respect and love for the person you wish to dominate. For someone to give themselves over to you, they need to trust that you will ultimately take care of them, whatever that means for that particular person. In Kyle’s case, that means that I have to express my respect for him in my words and my actions, I have to show him that I would never leave him, I have to be right there with him, loving him and protecting him from making a fool of himself. Above all, Kyle wants to be acknowledged and admired for his strength and his submission, which is actually quite easy for me, because he is an amazing man. The trick is making sure he knows it with every atom of his being.
So, you might ask, with all the work it takes to top someone…what’s in it for me? Being in control of someone as strong and smart as Kyle is incredible – a sexually-satisfying ego boost that challenges and thrills me with every twist and turn. He keeps me on my feet physically and intellectually, and loves to play as much as I do – it’s like a game of cat and mouse where the mouse wants to be caught, but only if the cat can prove she’s good enough. Kyle’s body is strong and sexy beyond belief, responding to every tickle, every bite, every blow with writhing, panting need. Playing with him doesn’t just feel good – making love to him fills me with desire and awe, and his stunningly beautiful, ecstatic responses make me feel like the God of Sex.
And in two days I’ll get to share him with the world, or at least the people assembled at Edges that night. I can’t wait to show him off, show the world how he shines in the spotlight and introduce him to the cages and crosses assembled there that will add to his torment. It’s gonna be one hell of a good time.
Welcome to the EXTREME Athletic Event of Watersports, the only sport where showering is part of the competition. And win or lose, you still get the gold. Golden Showers, that is. It’s the wettest game in town.
Harold is a frequent visitor but Harold never alters his play list. It’s the same old tune, session after session. This year, however, Harold made himself a resolution; a resolution to fulfill that ever popular but rarely achieved Wildest Dream.
Harold called and announced that today was the day–he was going to shower with the nectar of Goddesses. He wanted to bask in the golden warmth of a Domme Woman. He wanted to get pissed on by a hot chick.
She shuts me up in the cell. In reality, it’s a shallow alcove in the wall, lined with a dark, wiry carpet, about 3 feet across and 12 inches deep. It’s closed off from the rest of the room by a thick wooden stable door, which also has other openings in it, allowing her access to all areas.
She hooks me to the sides by my wrists and ankles. A soft blindfold presses against my eyes, and mufflers sit on my ears like two plastic ring doughnuts.
She can do whatever she wants with me. Not just in this box.
*
It’s odd to come and see her, and then spend these precious moments not seeing her. But why should I expect anything else in this topsy-turvy place?
*
I’ve come to view this box as our relationship in miniature, if you can call it a relationship. I never leave this box. I’m always confined, in her eyes, in the role of a slave. She’s not interested in who else I might be, except in so far as I might be useful to her. I may (and will) become less to her, but I won’t become more. So I carry this box with me wherever I go, both hating and loving it.
Sometimes I can see that these restrictions serve a purpose: they impose a mental bondage which can, once in a while, paradoxically set me free. At other times I just think they’re a pissing shame, and that we hold ourselves back from something much better. But I could be wrong.
I never see her clearly. I only ever hear a muffled, distorted version of her voice.
Except that’s not the whole story. Because I have been known to peek.
Here we are, the first workday of January, 2010!! This is going to be a busy week at the office…well, actually, the next two days are going to be balls-to-the-walls…time entries are due tomorrow by 5:00 p.m. I’m hoping to head to the office early this morning to get a start on all my time entries as I have been so covered up with the day-to-day deadlines and such that time entering got put to the side.
I’m hoping to make it to Monday night yoga class tonight, but that will all depend on how much I get done today before leaving the office…frustrating to say the least, but that’s the way it goes.
I’m giving serious thought to taking off this coming Friday…I’m hosting a baby shower with my daughter this coming Saturday and taking Friday off would give me time to get my part together and get organized before heading out-of-town on Saturday to do the shower. I think my main attorney will be out of the office on Friday, so I need to double-check that and see what deadlines we have going on before putting in for the day off. Who knows, I may even be able to entertain a client or two if I can get my schedule worked out…
Which I’m hoping I can get things on the time entry well enough in hand to continue with my 2-hour session planned tomorrow night with my submissive scrotie. This guy likes cock and ball torture, with an emphasis on ball stretching. He also likes electro-play, so I will need to make sure the batteries in the TENS unit are powered up and ready for our session…I’m hoping that my day-job schedule doesn’t interfere with my session schedule, but I should know by this afternoon if I’m going to be able to do both!
It’s freaking cold out…yes, I know it’s January, but here in Oklahoma, the temps usually flirt around the freezing mark…we’re way below freezing and it’s supposed to get even colder by the middle of the week, with a chance of MORE SNOW!!! What in the Hell happened to Global Warming? Just as I figured, Global Warming is a big scam cause we’re sure freezing our asses off here in Oklahoma!!! I can’t even imagine how the folks up in Minnesota, North Dakota, Illinois and such are making it…someone needs to send Old Man Winter backing up a bit heading closer to the North Pole!!!
Time to get moving along…I really would like to get to the office early…I just realized, most everyone in other offices will be back today and the parking garage is liable to be full to overflowing if I dilly-dally around this morning…so, quest to get to the office early, or at the worst, on time…have a great frozen first Monday of the new year!!!
In the Lifestyle community there is a Safe Space Policy which is subscribed to by most of the social groups, organizations and their members, as well as many of the non-affiliated individuals who make up the greater community. Briefly, what this policy consists of is an agreement by members of the community to preserve the overall safety of the community. It does this by preserving the safety, the privacy and the confidentiality of individuals within the community from outsiders and from others within the community.
When you break it down into its basics, it is the No Violence, No Gossip, No White-Wash and No Outing clauses of the Greater Social Contract to which everybody not suffering from certain psychological illnesses subscribe. We all learned the juvenile vanilla version of it sometime between kindergarten and third grade, depending on the When and the Where of our elementary education.
Respected individuals have been removed from long-held positions of leadership for violations of the Safe Space Policy, both perceived and actual. Once powerful individuals have been banned from participating in the meetings, munches, and sponsored events of organizations because of non-adherence to the current flavor of Safe Space Policy. Some individuals have even been stripped of the vestments, badges or costumes which symbolized their positions within subcultures of the greater community.
Safe Space Policies are important and vital to maintaining a safe BDSM community, but when you go out in search of the policy for a given city or organization it can be virtually impossible to locate. You will find a broken-down, beefed-up, overly specific, non-specific, intentionally or unintentionally vague, arbitrary, ambiguous version of an organization’s policy in the rules and waiver that they use at public or private events or parties. But to actually put your hands on a document or a file that contains something that is actually called or really is a Safe Space Policy is something most people just cannot do.
So now, in the interest of safety and some modicum of consistency for persons in the Lifestyle Community, I now give to you my proposed Universal BDSM Safe Space Commandments.
Thou shalt not violate the personal privacy of another.
Thou shalt not violate the personal space of another.
Thou shalt not violate the relationships of another.
Thou shalt not violate the property or of another.
Thou shalt not violate the integrity or honor of another.
Thou shalt not violate or endanger the legitimate livelyhood of another
Thou shalt not misrepresent your intentions during discussions or while in negotiations with another, either directly or indirectly.
Thou shalt not knowingly or willingly participate in the violation of another.
Thou shalt not withhold verified, first hand information about any violation from those who may have been endangered or injured by that violation, or from any community body which serves as leaders and acts to protect the community.
Thou shalt not use rank, power, or position within a household, subculture, organization or community to exert any manner of undue pressure or influence for personal benefit of any kind.
Thou shalt not intentionally cause any unlawful injury to another, be it physical, emotional or psychological, financial, or social.
Thou shalt label a person ”dangerous” and deny this person access to the community when it is shown that he or she knowingly, willingly or repeatedly violates Safe Space.
Thou shalt not protect, endorse or promote to others any person who knowingly, willingly or repeatedly violates Safe Space.
Thou shalt honor and obey the specific rules of the hosting individual, group, business or organization when attending any meeting, party or sponsored event except when to do so is in violation of the other commandments.
Yes, there most certainly could be more. There can always be more. Just look at the current legal code in any location and you can see just how much organizations love “More” when it comes to setting down rules. But are they really necessary if every individual, household, subculture, organization and community agree to honestly follow the fewer, simpler rules?
He told me to make sure I came, and though I was still a sleepy girl, I worked hard, rubbing my clit as he pounded me.
