In the Lifestyle community there is a Safe Space Policy which is subscribed to by most of the social groups, organizations and their members, as well as many of the non-affiliated individuals who make up the greater community. Briefly, what this policy consists of is an agreement by members of the community to preserve the overall safety of the community. It does this by preserving the safety, the privacy and the confidentiality of individuals within the community from outsiders and from others within the community.
When you break it down into its basics, it is the No Violence, No Gossip, No White-Wash and No Outing clauses of the Greater Social Contract to which everybody not suffering from certain psychological illnesses subscribe. We all learned the juvenile vanilla version of it sometime between kindergarten and third grade, depending on the When and the Where of our elementary education.
Respected individuals have been removed from long-held positions of leadership for violations of the Safe Space Policy, both perceived and actual. Once powerful individuals have been banned from participating in the meetings, munches, and sponsored events of organizations because of non-adherence to the current flavor of Safe Space Policy. Some individuals have even been stripped of the vestments, badges or costumes which symbolized their positions within subcultures of the greater community.
Safe Space Policies are important and vital to maintaining a safe BDSM community, but when you go out in search of the policy for a given city or organization it can be virtually impossible to locate. You will find a broken-down, beefed-up, overly specific, non-specific, intentionally or unintentionally vague, arbitrary, ambiguous version of an organization’s policy in the rules and waiver that they use at public or private events or parties. But to actually put your hands on a document or a file that contains something that is actually called or really is a Safe Space Policy is something most people just cannot do.
So now, in the interest of safety and some modicum of consistency for persons in the Lifestyle Community, I now give to you my proposed Universal BDSM Safe Space Commandments.
- Thou shalt not violate the personal privacy of another.
- Thou shalt not violate the personal space of another.
- Thou shalt not violate the relationships of another.
- Thou shalt not violate the property or of another.
- Thou shalt not violate the integrity or honor of another.
- Thou shalt not violate or endanger the legitimate livelyhood of another
- Thou shalt not misrepresent your intentions during discussions or while in negotiations with another, either directly or indirectly.
- Thou shalt not knowingly or willingly participate in the violation of another.
- Thou shalt not withhold verified, first hand information about any violation from those who may have been endangered or injured by that violation, or from any community body which serves as leaders and acts to protect the community.
- Thou shalt not use rank, power, or position within a household, subculture, organization or community to exert any manner of undue pressure or influence for personal benefit of any kind.
- Thou shalt not intentionally cause any unlawful injury to another, be it physical, emotional or psychological, financial, or social.
- Thou shalt label a person ”dangerous” and deny this person access to the community when it is shown that he or she knowingly, willingly or repeatedly violates Safe Space.
- Thou shalt not protect, endorse or promote to others any person who knowingly, willingly or repeatedly violates Safe Space.
- Thou shalt honor and obey the specific rules of the hosting individual, group, business or organization when attending any meeting, party or sponsored event except when to do so is in violation of the other commandments.
Yes, there most certainly could be more. There can always be more. Just look at the current legal code in any location and you can see just how much organizations love “More” when it comes to setting down rules. But are they really necessary if every individual, household, subculture, organization and community agree to honestly follow the fewer, simpler rules?
Mistress Lila
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